Termites is one of the 33 harmless practical joke programs included in my latest book, The Macintosh Joker, published by Hayden and available in better bookstores for $19.95. If your local bookstore doesn’t carry it, ask them to place a special order for ISBN #1-56830-079-4. Or you can order an autographed copy direct from the author. For details, read the Discount Books file which accompanies this ReadMe file.
I have uploaded Termites for you to enjoy and to give you an idea of the kinds of programs that are included in The Macintosh Joker. Please respect the fact that I own the copyright to both the program and this text file. That means you may not distribute these files for profit, but you may share them with others for free, provided that the Termites control panel is included in an archive with both the Termites ReadMe and Discount Books text files intact.
If you have any questions, you may reach me as follows:
Owen W. Linzmayer
2227 15th Ave.
San Francisco, CA 94116-1824
AppleLink: Owen
America Online: Owen Ink
CompuServe: 71333,3152
Now, enough of all that formal legalese stuff and the book plug. Check out the following instructions for using Termites (reproduced word-for-word from the book, except illustrations have been removed to keep this file to a reasonable size for downloading).
Make sure you read the entire file before installing Termites so you know what to expect and how to turn it off. Also, please use this practical joke responsibly.
With the Termites control panel installed, your victim’s Mac becomes infested with tiny termites that randomly eat their way through everything they encounter on screen. This is the only program I know of that’s loaded with bugs on purpose. As a proud new owner of a wood-frame home, for me this is one of the scariest tricks in the book.
The really cool thing is that Termites doesn’t affect other programs, so if your victim continues working, the Mac functions correctly. But if you let Termites run long enough, your victim will find it almost impossible to recognize the screen because those suckers have an insatiable appetite and keep eating no matter what. When your victim calls you over to the Mac to show you what’s wrong, blame the infestation on your victim and demand to know whether they’ve been running any “buggy” programs lately.
Installing Termites
To install Termites, just drag it into the System folder on your victim’s startup volume. Under System 7, an alert box appears explaining that the file belongs in the Control Panels folder. Click OK and let the Finder put it in the right place. Then choose Restart from the Finder’s Special menu to complete the installation.
To deinstall Termites, remove it from the System folder and restart.
Using Termites
Termites is ready to go once installed, but there are a number of parameters you can change to make it work the way you like. Experiment with different settings on your own Mac until you find values that suit your tastes, then install the control panel on your victim’s Mac.
Open the Termites control panel by double-clicking its icon under System 7, or choosing the Control Panel desk accessory from the Apple menu under System 6.
After you’ve been suitably impressed with the copyright notice and title artwork, click Change Settings to present a dialog box in which you can specify a number of different parameters that affect the action of the vermin.
Click one of the radio buttons to specify whether you want white trails with black termites, or vice versa.
In the Termite speed edit box, enter a number (1-100) that determines how fast the termites move. The fastest setting is 1 and results in bugs blasting around the screen as if they just inhaled an entire Pixy Stix and washed it down with a cup of espresso.
In the next edit box, enter the maximum number (1-100) of termites that should appear on screen at any one time. They don’t all appear immediately, but once spawned, a termite remains on screen eating merrily away until it reaches the edge of the main monitor, at which point it turns around and continues its pixel picnic. A swarm of termites can do more damage more quickly, but the Mac slows down when a lot of pests are on screen. A single termite is particularly effective for convincing far-sighted victims that there’s a real live bug gnawing on the phosphors inside the picture tube.
In the Seconds before infestation edit box, enter the number of seconds (1-180) that should elapse from the time the control panel loads until the first termite appears. If you enter too low a number, the termites appear during the startup process, a dead giveaway that the infestation is the cause of an extension or control panel. Once the first termite appears, it’s only a matter of time before there’s another, and another, and another, up to the maximum specified in the previous edit box.
In the last edit box, enter a number (4-72) that determines the movement of the termites. The total number of degrees in a circle (360) is divided by this number to obtain the maximum turning angle that a termite can execute. Higher values result in termites that move smoothly, and lower values cause more erratic behavior. For best results, enter values which divides into 360 evenly (4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18, 20, 24, 30, 36, 40, 45, 60, or 72).
After entering your choices, click Cancel to close this dialog box without making changes, or click Save to update Termites with the new settings. If you entered any invalid values, they are automatically changed to the minimum or maximum when you click Save. Close the control panel itself by clicking its close box in the upper left corner, or pressing Command-W. Your changes don’t take effect until the next time your victim restarts the Mac.
